Monday, January 15, 2007

Reward for a Good Day

Today has been a good day. I really have been very good.
Strong. A tower of strength, so to say.
Got up at eight.
Well, not quite eight, but close enough.
Did all the tedious rituals of showering and getting dressed. Such a waste of time really, but it did make it easier to pretend to have a life.
Made quite a show of being busy, tidying the bathroom, and starting ditto with the bedroom. Until I realized that I didn´t have to keep up appearances anymore. Franklin had left, remember?
Thank God for that, fussy little bastard! “Attention to detail, Jenny. That’s what it’s all about.” Well, he can stuff his attention to details up his arse now.
Therefore left the bedroom to its own devices.
That was not so good. Made up for it by eating a proper breakfast, with muesli and low-fat yoghurt and even a piece of fruit, a canned peach, if you want to know. Fibres and protein, the whole nine yards.
Drank pints of low-calorie water. Cleansing my innards. Not sure if they needed cleaning. Did it anyway.
Even went jogging in the park. Went frigging jogging in the park! In the pouring rain! I must have been out of my mind, getting soaking wet. Was that cleansing, or what? Soul and body, including the cardio-vascular thingamajiggies.
Didn´t smoke all day either. Even though the Marlboro cowboy has been beckoning.
Would have done Frankie proud. As if he ever noticed when I had cut down. All he could ever say was, “Filthy habit” with that sneer on his face, that wasn’t just meant for my habit.
See how strong I’ve been? Read the newspaper, instead of watching TV all evening. No news, though.
Solved some slant-eyed sodo-cues. As if that was fun.
Drank only wine.
Been really effing strong today.
So where is my reward?
Where is my Goddamn reward?
Surely not another night of masturbation on the couch watching James Martin cook for the upper classes. There must be more to being free.
For God’s sake, spare me another night of hanky-panky while his nimble fingers are shaping patties on the kitchen table!
Where is the real reward? The phone call, the winning lottery ticket.
What good is drinking low-calorie water anyway?
Gin. Where is the gin?
And my fucking cigarettes!

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